Happy and Proud to be a "Big"

In less than two months, my Little Sister, Lacee, and I will be celebrating our two-year match anniversary. We have had many, many fun adventures since we were matched by Big Brothers Big Sisters of Northern Nevada on February 8, 2011. You can read all about them at Big and Little Adventures. 

Unfortunately, we had to take a 5-month hiatus during the latter half of this year so I could deal with my health issues (see earlier Rainbows and Butterflies posts). I am happy to report that I am doing GREAT and Lacee and I saw each other twice this month. Our first outing after our hiatus was attending the Big Brothers Big Sisters Holiday Party at the Reno Events Center. We had lots of fun catching up and just being together. We also participated in the local Christmas Bird Count for Kids and brought one of Lacee's friends along. There were prizes for the most species observed during the count; Lacee tied for first place and received a special prize, her very own set of field guides!! She was really excited and I was excited to see her outside and taking an interest in one of my hobbies. She and her friend used her new field guides in the car on our way to taking her home looking up the birds they saw earlier in the day and also looking up Nevada's state animals.

If you would like to contribute to BBBSNN this year and help give a child a Big, please go to my Friends & Family Holiday Campaign fundraising page at the link below. This year the top fundraiser will receive a bike for their Little. Right now I'm in the #1 spot. Please consider a donation to help keep me there. Thank you!

http://bbbsnn.kintera.org/holiday/renokris

Learn more about BBBSNN and becoming a Big at www.bbbsnn.org.

Traveling Bears

I just said farewell to KISS and HUG and sent them off with a representative from Team Szabo

to attend the 2012 San Diego Susan G. Komen 3-Day this weekend (Nov. 16-18).

They were very excited to go on a trip. Stay tuned for updates on their adventure!

Is she here yet? Is she here yet? Is she here yet?

And congratulations to Team Szabo for raising

 $12,704 in the fight to find a cure.

I Did It!! I Did It!! I Did It!!

I am proud and happy to say that I finished chemo today!! What a great feeling it was to walk out of there and know I AM DONE!! The 12 weeks have passed pretty quickly, I think mostly because I have been feeling well enough to keep busy.

The best part about today (and a sign that everything was going to go smoothly) was that my favorite nurse, Jamie, called me back into the exam room. Her nickname in the office is "the vein whisperer." I jokingly scolded her for not being there for my previous treatment because I had to get stuck twice to get the IV in. And I made it just in the nick of time for this treatment because she is going on maternity leave soon. And true to her nickname, she got the IV in no problem on the first try!!

Tied for the best part about today was an amazing surprise I received while sitting in the infusion room. Two of my amazing, thoughtful, wonderful friends (you know who you are) walked in with a balloon, flowers, and cards, catching me completely by surprise and instantly bringing me to tears. That meant so much to me!! Thank you ladies for surprising me and celebrating my victory with me!!

So now I'm home resting, and although I know there are a couple of rough days ahead, I will come out of it knowing that I will not have to go through it again. For this I feel so fortunate. I talked with another patient today who I met during chemo (we had similar chemo schedules). Hers is a very different story. I didn't know until today that she is battling lymphoma that has morphed into leukemia, and it's on her lung and her brain. She has regular spinal taps where they inject the chemo medicine into her spine and she has to lay flat for four hours so the medicine gets to her brain. And that's the day after her other chemo where she's in the same infusion room that I'm in for several hours. She expressed to us that she's tired and she's suffering and she's in pain. I gave her big hug, we cried a little, and now that I'm done, I probably won't see her again. But I will always remember her and to me she represents so many people suffering from this horrible disease. It's just confirmation that we have to keep fighting for a cure and fighting to find the cause to end this senseless suffering.

Even though I'm done with chemo, I'm not completely done with this journey. My next step is an oophorectomy in December. If you remember, I found out that I am BRCA2 positive, which means I have an increased risk of ovarian cancer. After seeing a genetic counselor and talking with my doctors, the best way to prevent ovarian cancer is to remove the ovaries. Because of my age I don't really need them anymore, so I agreed with the doctors that this the best decision. My surgery is scheduled for December 11 and is an outpatient surgery. Compared to everything I've been through up to this point, I'm expecting this will be the easiest part. But for now, I am concentrating on getting better after this last chemo treatment.

I'll keep you posted on my progress. Thank you again to everybody that has been following my journey. Your blog comments, calls, emails, texts, snail mail, FB messages, and FB comments mean the world to me and it helps me each and every day to know you're out there.

Father of the Year

I always knew I had THE BEST Dad in the world, but this email I received from him today just floored me! Wham, right out of left field... I'm surprised and speechless and happy and proud and so full of love. Thank you Daddee, I love you so much!

To MDD (his code for My Darling Daughter),

What else could a father do for his daughter?  I can't make it go away but I can be with you, sort of, in the only way I can. When yours comes back, then mine will come back.

With more love than you know,

Daddee

He said he hasn't had this "cut" since boot camp in 1963. :)

Oh, and today I got through chemo #3. Yippee!!! Only one more to go.

Team Szabo @ the 2012 San Diego SGK 3-Day

As you probably know, every year I participate on the all volunteer crew for the Susan G. Komen 3-Day for the Cure. My first year participating was in 2003 when I walked the event in honor of my 5-year survivor anniversary. I was so impressed and moved by the crew the year I walked that I knew I wanted to be part of the crew the following year. So in 2004 and most every year since, I have participated on the crew. This year; however, is a bit different. I registered for the San Diego event months and months ago but because life happens while we're making other plans, I will not be attending the event this year. The event is November 16-18, one month from today and just a little over a week after my fourth and last chemo treatment. I have chosen not to travel so I can make sure I recover completely from my treatment with no issues.

Although I won't be attending, I have some amazing friends that are, and for 4 out of 5 of them, this is their very first time walking and participating in the event. Three are traveling from Reno and two are local San Diegans. They have created Team Szabo in my honor, however, they are walking and fundraising for many others as well.

Since I am not attending, I am asking that you to please support one of my friends' fundraising efforts. As walkers they have to raise $2300 to be able to participate. I am so excited for them to participate because I know how amazing an experience it is!! Two have met their goal, and the other three are well on their way but could use your help. The links to their personal fundraising pages are below.

If you click on one page and notice they have met their $2300 goal, please try one of the others. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

Jennifer Newmark

http://www.the3day.org/site/TR/2012/SanDiegoEvent2012?px=3503401&pg=personal&fr_id=1767

Ali Chaney

http://www.the3day.org/site/TR/2012/SanDiegoEvent2012?px=6687971&pg=personal&fr_id=1767

 

Lisa Livingston

http://www.the3day.org/site/TR/2012/SanDiegoEvent2012?px=6721765&pg=personal&fr_id=1767

Click here for a link to Team Szabo so you can see all of the team members. I am so proud of each of them!!

Thank you so, so much for your continued love and support.
Kristin

Team Boobalicious, San Diego, 2003

10-11-12 = 15

Today is 10-11-12.

15 years ago today I married my Prince Charming, my angel, my best friend. 

Everyday I am so thankful he came into my life.

I cannot even imagine my life without him.

I am so safe, so secure, so loved.

Today I dedicate this song to him.

(dig that 70's disco beat)

Alive Again

Yesterday I would not have believed

That tomorrow the sun would shine

Then one day you came into my life

I am alive again I am alive again

All the empty yesterdays have disappeared

Now that you have filled my life with love

No one else could ever mean so much to me

Every day my high lasts longer

As our love grows ever stronger

Yesterday I would not have believed

That tomorrow the sun would shine

Then one day you came into my life

I am alive again I am alive again

When you gave your love to me you changed my life

Dreams that once seemd hopeless come with ease

Thank you girl for being just the way you are

I would never try to change you

All I live for is to love you

I'm feeling alive again

I'm feeling alive again

Made It Through Chemo Number Two!

My second treatment was on Thursday, September 27. Aside from a small IV issue (I know which nurse to ask for now to get it in on the first try) everything went smoothly.

My good luck charm this time was this cute little scarab given to me by friends that just returned from their trip to Egypt. Yes, a real good luck scarab from real Egypt, how cool is that?!?!

Today is Saturday and I'm feeling pretty good, although tired, and all I want to do is lay on the couch and watch TV. Please forgive this short post...that is what I'm going to do.

Hair Today . . . Gone Tomorrow

Well, "that" time has come and gone. Here are the results of going under the razor.

Step 1 - chop off ponytail.

Step 2 - lose all the rest.

Talk about feeling lightheaded...

Eager Vegan

If you've been reading my blog lately, you know from a previous post that I recently decided to change my diet to a plant-based diet (i.e., I'm a vegan) for health reasons. I had checked out some books from the library to get started and learned a lot about what to eat to make sure I have a balanced diet. After my 3 weeks were up, I returned the first round of books (after a brief scanning spree at my computer of the recipes I liked and thought I might like) and checked out my second round. Who knew there were so many vegan cookbooks to choose from? Maybe you did, but I sure didn't.

Here are the books I have now. The Kind Diet is mine and was a gift from a dear friend. It's a really good book. I highly recommend it. The Sicilian Collard Greens with Pine Nuts and Raisins is amazing! I've never eaten collard greens before, but have made this recipe 3 times in the last 3 weeks! Yum!

For some reason I can't just check out one or two books, I have to leave with my arms full. And this last time I had to leave a handful of other books on the shelf (I'll get them during round 3). When I got home with these books I set them down and realized that 7 books was a bit much and I got completely overwhelmed. I started to feel like I have to make as many things as I can in the next 3 weeks. I flipped through the books, tagged the pages that sounded good, made a grocery list, then got home with the groceries and forgot which ingredients I bought for which recipes. The problem was that I didn't just tag a few recipes for the week, I tagged too many and forgot which ones I was shopping for. Poor planning. Don't worry though, I've learned my lesson and now plan ahead for just two or three recipes at a time. And I write them down. And I'm also finding that if you keep your pantry stocked with essentials, you can make most anything without having to go out for too many ingredients. I'm learning a lot and having so much fun with this. And I'm grateful I have the time right now to devote to this. Because of all of the fresh ingredients, there is a fair amount of chopping and prepping for some of the recipes. I will be a meal planning pro by the time my treatments are over and I'm ready to go back to work.

Here are a few recipes that I've made...the good and the not so good.

Unruly Tabouli - pretty good but I need to practice the bulgur wheat to water ratio. It was a little mushy.

Chocolate cake - Looked good but the taste . . . not so good .

Zucchini,  mushroom, and onion pizza - GOOD!! My first attempt at making dough in the food processor (super simple!!) and using a pizza stone. I think the pizza stone made all the difference. The crust was really good. And vegan mozzarella is actually not bad at all.

Potato Stuffed Portobellos - good! This was super simple and very tasty if you like portobellos. Husband not a portobello fan but humored me and ate almost the entire thing. He did like the potato stuffing so it wasn't a total loss. 

This eager vegan can't wait for dinner the rest of the week. Teed up next are Sweet & Sour Tofu and another enchilada recipe. Yum yum!

I Blog with Love!

I Blog with Love, Dr. Susan Love that is . . .

Next week is already October (can you believe it?) and as you are probably well aware, October is breast cancer awareness month. The Dr. Susan Love Research Foundation is asking everybody to Blog with Love on October 1st to increase awareness of their new program HOW, the Health of Women Study.

From the HOW website:
"The HOW Study is a first-of-its-kind international online study for women and men with and without a history of breast cancer. We will collect information about your health, your job, your diet, and your family history, among other topics that can help us get a better understanding of breast cancer and its potential causes."

"The HOW Study will track hundreds of thousands of women (and men) over time to learn what causes breast cancer, and how to prevent it.  HOW will also study long-term breast cancer survivors in order to get a better understanding of how they are beating the odds. This is the first time a study of this size and magnitude is collecting data entirely online."

I already joined HOW and filled out my questionnaires. I hope that you will also Act with Love by joining the HOW Study and sharing it via your blog, Facebook, Twitter, email, etc. You don't have to wait until October 1st, do it today!

Chemo Number One . . . DONE!

Today was my first of four chemo treatments. It was a lot longer of an appointment than I expected, but everything went very smoothly. After seeing the doctor and having the nurse start my IV (she got it on the first try -- superstar nurse!), we were taken to the infusion area on the other side of the office. Since this was my first treatment, one of the nurses talked to us for 30 minutes or so about the process, what to expect, the side-effects, etc., etc., etc. After we "got schooled" we were taken to the infusion room, a big room lined along all walls with comfy recliners (13 in all). There were two other patients in the room at the time and the nurse assured us that it was going to fill up fast and Greg would have to give up his chair within an hour or so.

First I was given the "pre-meds," an anti-nausea drug and a steroid. After that was a saline "rinse" and then the "chemo" started. The first drug, Taxotere, can cause an initial reaction, so they start the drip really slowly, I mean reeeeeaaaalllly slooooowly. The nurse would come by ever 15 minutes or so, check on me to make sure I wasn't having a reaction, and then speed up the drip just a bit. That one bag took about two hours to finish. Then Cytoxan was next. That one took an hour. Then I was done!!

Greg did get kicked out of his chair for a while and had to go back into the waiting room. Since I didn't know I was going to be there for so long, lunch time rolled around and I got really hungry. Luckily they allow you to bring food in and you can eat during the process. Greg went and got me lunch and by the time he got back, the room had cleared out (every single chair was full for a while) and he was able to sit with me for the rest of the time. It was kind of a bittersweet feeling seeing every single chair full. Bitter because it shows you how many people are going through this at the same time, men and women, young and old, all ethnicities. It is so true that cancer does not discriminate. And why sweet? Well, because these medicines are available to treat this disease, and so are the wonderful medical staff that are here to help us and keep us comfortable along the way.

And I have to say the nurses in this office are absolutely incredible. They are very attentive and there are only two of them at a time in the room with 13 patients. They somehow keep track of where everybody is in their treatment and never sat down. They were constantly checking on everybody and knew everyone by name. It was very comforting.

All in all we were there for close to five hours. Next time I'll bring a book and my phone charger. Streaming video on my phone ate up the battery life really fast. But watching True Blood made the time pass really fast. :) Having my husband by my side means the world to me of course, I've always said he's my angel, and he constantly lives up to his angel status. He is amazing, but if you know him, you know that. I also had a couple of other friends with me...you may have heard of them...KISS and HUG. Nobody said much to me about having them there. When I pulled them out of their backpack, I introduced them to the few people that were in the room at the time. Everybody thought they were so cute, 'cause they are!

Tomorrow I go back for a quick shot of Neulasta. It's a drug they give the day after chemo that stimulates your bone marrow to create white blood cells (chemo kills white blood cells). This was not available in 1998 when I went through this the first time, and there was always the fear that my white blood cell count wouldn't be high enough at the next chemo appointment to be able to get treatment. Neulasta is supposed to alleviate this issue.

When I left the office, I didn't feel any different than when I got there, even though I was just pumped with a bunch of drugs. We'll see how the days and weeks progress, but I'm expecting I'll get through the next few weeks just fine...until number two on Sept. 27.

Meet HUG!

My friends continue to amaze me with their love, support, thoughtfulness, and creativity. I received a surprise package in the mail from my friend Pam.

This is what, I mean who, was inside . . . meet HUG!

HUG arrived with a note explaining the meaning of her name. Hold U Gently.

"Whenever you need an extra gentle touch -- grab HUG -- she's there for you always!" 

HUG even has a surprise message on the back of her shirt.

KISS and HUG were quickly introduced and instantly became fast friends.  

KISS loved HUG's t-shirt so much she asked if she could borrow it
and wear it backwards. HUG was happy to share.

Tomorrow is my first chemo treatment. What are the nurses going to say when I show up with KISS and HUG? I can't wait to see their faces.

Giving Myself the Best Chance Possible

Since my last post I have made a couple of big decisions. A lot of thought went into them and I think it's time to give you an update. One decision seemed to be more difficult than the other, but in reality both were easy decisions after I looked at them in the context of "given my circumstances, what can I do to give myself the best possible chance of survival?"

Decision 1. To chemo or not to chemo

My first visit to the medical oncologist was very nerve-wracking. I went in with very high hopes that I would not need to do chemo. I had a double mastectomy, my sentinel node biopsy was negative, and I plan to have an oophorectomy which further reduces my risk, so my chances of recurrence seem like they would be pretty low, right? According to the doctor, though, 30 percent of node negative women come back with a recurrence so I should still consider the fact that chemo could help my chances of survival. To make a very long story short, the doctor loaded us up with information, percentages, pros, and cons, and sent us on our way for two weeks. After lots of thinking, discussing with my husband, and finally surrendering to the possibility of having to do it, I decided that to give myself the best possible chance of survival, and to have the peace of mind that I did everything I could to have the best possible chance of survival, I decided to do it. My first treatment is scheduled for September 6. I will have four treatments, each three weeks apart, and will be done on November 8.

Decision 2. Plant-based (vegan) diet

I have been seriously exploring switching to a plant-based diet. Since my diagnosis in June, I have been thinking about diet and how it affects cancer. Do I need to change my diet, and if I do, how can I change my diet to give myself the best possible chance of survival? My questions were slowly answered over the following weeks. First, I was sucked into a PBS special one Sunday morning while channel surfing. It was Dr. Joel Fuhrman talking about The Immunity Solution. This seemed like too much of a coincidence for me to ignore it. I ended up recording the entire program to be able to watch it again and I ordered his book, Super Immunity.

A week or so later, a friend sent me a video (link below) of a talk given by Dr. Michael Greger. He shows very clearly,  using one scientific study after another, that a plant-based diet can prevent 15 of the 16 leading causes of death in the U.S. and reverse the progression of several of those same diseases. I found the video very interesting, informative, and convincing and I encourage EVERYBODY (even you hardcore carnivores) to watch this video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=30gEiweaAVQ

Dr. Greger also has daily short videos on his website http://nutritionfacts.org/ that summarize scientific research on the subject of nutrition.

Listening to these two doctors prompted me to start researching veganism and I went to the library and used book stores in town to stock up on books and cookbooks to help me.

Time to get reading.

I broke out a vegetarian cookbook that I've had for years but have never opened. Here is my first attempt at vegan enchiladas with homemade tomatillo sauce. It was a lot of work (a lot of chopping for the filling), but it made a lot of leftovers. And it was worth it, I thought it was super tasty. The homemade tomatillo sauce was the easy part and it tasted amazing! I could pour it on anything!

Enchiladas with tomatillo sauce.

So I have a lot of reading to do, but I am committed to giving myself the best chance possible. If you have a favorite vegan recipe, website, source of information, or suggestion, please feel free to share it with me, I'm all ears.

KISS

This weekend I followed my friends as they volunteered at the Susan G. Komen for the Cure 3-Day event in Boston. I was scheduled to be with them, but had to cancel at the last minute because of my surgery.

I was so surprised and honored and moved to tears when I found out what they did so that I could experience the Boston event virtually. They found a replacement -- well maybe not so much a replacement as a representative -- who they so sweetly and cleverly named KISS. You can meet KISS and find out the meaning of her name at http://3daycrewcapt.blogspot.com/2012/07/meet-kiss.html.

KISS made the trek from San Diego to Boston and appeared to work so hard all weekend. I was able to follow her journey on Facebook at the 3-Day Event Support Team - Boston Facebook Page.

Watching KISS made me laugh out loud several times over the weekend and put a smile on my face every day. Experiencing Boston virtually was a different kind of journey for me, but even though I couldn't be there physically, I'm so grateful I got to experience it through KISS's eyes. Thank you to my 3-Day family. You make me feel so special. You have such big hearts and you all hold a very special place in mine. Big hugs to you!!

Virtual hugs from Becka in Boston.

Home = Heaven

My last post left off during my first night in the hospital. The next day the nausea continued and after an anti-nausea drug didn't work and I don't know how much time, the nurse (I think it was the nurse) suggested that maybe it was the morphine that was making me sick, the morphine that I was dispensing through "the button" as often as I could to dull the pain. He gave me a different anti-nausea drug, told me to stop pressing the button, and switched me Percoset instead. And, voila, by that afternoon I had done a complete 180 and was feeling soooooo much better. The remainder of my time in the hospital was uneventful, just the normal routine of meds, bad TV, and really bad food. I was so happy to hear the doctors say I could go home on Friday.

By the time the nurses got the dicharge papers in order and I was released, it was late afternoon on Friday. Ahhhh home, a shower, a real bed, MY pillow, healthy food, my DVR, and so much more. Heaven!

My first week at home went really well. How could it not with your husband doting on you, your Mom waiting on you hand and foot, flowers and cards and well wishes coming from every direction, and your friends taking care of dinner almost every night. The meds kept the pain under control and I was at the plastic surgeon's office every other day to get checked. He said that all is healing well. All of the staples and 2 of the 4 drains came out.

Now it's 12 days after surgery and I'm feeling great. Hopefully the last 2 drains will come out today. I've been able to cut the pain meds in half and I went for a couple of walks around the neighborhood with Greg and my Dad -- my bodyguards-- over the weekend.

Every day gets a little easier and every day I feel a little better.

Riding the Wave of Love into Surgery

A couple of days after I received my diagnosis I also received this "note from the Universe" in my inbox:

I think you already feel it, Kristin, but a really HUGE wave of LOVE is coming your way.
Once-in-a-lifetime HUGE.

Hang ten,
    The Universe

It was true, I was beginning to feel it. And as more and more people found out, the wave of love got bigger. And as the surgery date approached, it got bigger yet. And now that the surgery is over and I'm home recovering, the wave of love continues to increase. I am so blessed to have my family and friends that love me, support me, and want to help. If you are reading this, you are probably one of them. So from the bottom of my heart...thank you. You make all of this just a little bit easier. And I think having all of the support and love made the surgery day a little bit easier too.

So, a little bit about the surgery day...
It was a long day. I checked into the hospital at 9:00 am and the surgery wasn't scheduled until 3:00 pm. All I could think about leading up to that day was how hungry I was going to be by the time surgery time came. But hunger only crossed my mind a couple of times. It really wasn't that bad. I was wheeled down to ultrasound at about 11:00 am for a Sentinel Node Injection. I was injected with a radioactive solution that would travel from the injection site (the outer edge of the areola--I know, cringe) to the lymph nodes in my armpit. Then during surgery, the doctors use a Geiger counter (that's what I was told) to find the "sentinel node," the first node that cancer cells would travel to if they have started to spread. After the injection (piece of cake), I was wheeled back to pre-op where I waited for about 3 hours before the doctors started showing up, marking my body with sharpie, and telling me it's "that time." But, "that time" didn't come until about 4:00 pm. I was given my party (surgical) hat to put on, I kissed Greg and my parents, and they wheeled me back. On the way to the operating room the anesthesiologist gave me something to "forget my cares" (he didn't lie) and in the operating room I was asked to move from the gurney to the operating table. I tried to look around the room to get a sense of where I was and what the operating room looked like and the only two things I got were, "this is a really big room" and "everything's blurry" (they had already taken my glasses from me).

My next memory is in Recovery (as it should be). You know you hear those stories about people waking up during surgery, or having out-of-body experiences where they watch their own surgery. As intriguing as an out-of-body experience sounds, I don't think I want it to happen while I'm on the operating table. And it didn't. In recovery everything was still blurry (no glasses yet) and most of my memory is still fuzzy. I only have bits and pieces from recovery and every once in a while another bit pops back in my head and I have to ask somebody, "Did such and such happen while I was in recovery?"

Recovery wasn't pleasant...coming out of unconsciousness, blurry vision, nausea like you can't believe, and people talking about some lemon-sized hematoma on my left side. More sharpie to mark the hematoma, getting wrapped with a compression bandage around my entire middle to compress the hematoma, and did I mention nausea? --ugh. I think Greg was in recovery with me the whole time; I have visions of my parents at the foot of my bed smiling and waving, I remember holding the sickness bag, and nausea, nausea, nausea.

At some point I got wheeled to my room. The surgery took a total of 2 hours. Not sure how long I was in recovery. I was handed the button that dispenses my morphine. "Press it when you need it, but it will only dispense morphine every 8 minutes" was what I was told. I got through the night and my next complete (sort of) memory is the night nurse introducing me to my day nurse the next morning.

The good news of the night that Greg whispered in my ear somewhere in there was that the surgery was a success, the doctor's told my family everything went well, and best of all, the sentinel node biopsy came back negative---ALL CLEAR-- (i.e., the cancer did not spread).

To be continued . . .

Confirmation

I received the results of my BRCA1/BRCA2 genetic test. If you're not familiar with the BRCA1/BRCA2 test, it tests for mutations in these two genes. Everybody has these genes, but not everybody has the mutations. And studies show that if you have the mutations, you are at an increased risk for breast and ovarian cancer. Having the mutations does not mean they will be expressed (i.e., that you will get either cancer); it just  means that your risk is increased. To read more visit the genetic testing page at komen.org. My results showed that I am BRCA1 negative and BRCA2 positive. To me it means two things. First, it is confirmation that I chose the right surgery. Second, it somewhat answers the "Why me?" question. I now know that having the genetic mutation increased my risk of cancer. The unanswered question is what caused the mutation to express itself. That question I will probably never know the answer to.

The next step...dealing with the increased risk of ovarian cancer. Lots of questions to ask, lots of questions to be answered, some more decisions to be made. I'll be talking to a genetic counselor and more doctors to help me through the next steps.

Everything Happens for a Reason...Just Believe!

The title of this post is one of my favorite sayings. It helps me deal with situations, good or bad, just knowing that there is a reason behind every event. I may not know the reason right away (actually more often than not I don't), but as time passes, things come into focus, and the reasons become clear. There are probably many reasons I was meant to experience breast cancer the first time 14 years ago. But the one reason that I'm reminded of now, now that I've been diagnosed for the second time, is that without that first diagnosis, I would not have met many of the wonderful, amazing, generous, thoughtful, compassionate, passionate, and TRUE friends that I met because of breast cancer.

In 2003 I became involved with the Susan G. Komen 3-Day for the Cure in San Diego. I walked the event that year as a celebration of my 5-year survivor anniversary. I trained hard and made it the 60 miles in 3 days with many physical aches and pains, but also with an absolute knowing in my heart that I was going to remain involved with this organization, and this event in particular, until breast cancer is no longer a life-threatening disease. Every year since 2003 (except 2007 when I moved), I have been on the all volunteer crew for either the San Diego or San Francisco event. Each year I meet the most amazing people and over the years many of us have become close because we return each year. We have formed our own 3-Day family. I truly love my Kanunu O'hana.

Our Crew Captain honored me in his blog today. I was touched to tears and reminded of the strength of our Kanunu O'hana. Thank you Andrew! Whether we like it or not, without breast cancer, we never would have met. There are many more of you 3-Day'ers out there (you know who you are) that I love dearly. I am so fortunate to know you. Although I'm not going to make Boston, I will look forward to constant photos on Facebook and I will see you in San Diego in November.

For you non-3-Day'ers (and non-Facebookers), here are links to my photos on Facebook of some of the events over the years. You'll see why I keep going back.
2011
2010
2009
2008

And also, without my own experience with breast cancer, I never would have joined an organization called ChemoAngels. After I made it through my own journey, I wanted to hopefully help another young breast cancer survivor get through hers. I found ChemoAngels, signed up to become an Angel, and was matched with a strong, independent, amazing woman. This year she celebrates her 10-year survivor anniversary. Love ya TLW!

So we'll see what new reasons come into focus as the months and years pass. I'm sure there will be many...just believe.

A Gift

A friend's post on Facebook this morning linking to this article reminded me of a poem I found many years ago after recovering from all of the treatments after my first diagnosis. Every single line of this poem hit home with me. It was true then and it is true now.

A Gift

by Linda Nielsen

I was given a gift,

wrapped shabbily, it was non-returnable,

non-refundable!

Reluctantly I accepted it.

In it I found courage I never knew existed

and a patience far beyond anything ever experienced.

I was given the ability to trust a stranger with that most dear to me,

and an endurance for the unknown.

I was given unconditional love of family and friends,

always there, never stopping, never faltering.

I was given many prayers from far and wide,

and the warmth of knowing I am truly cared about.

I was given a fond farewell of my modesty and vanity,

and the acceptance and love of an imperfect body.

I was given a strong shoulder to lean on when that

shoulder had once grown distant,

and laughter and good times, more special than ever before.

I was given many new friends,

wonderful, courageous women I am so very proud to know.

I was given warm sunshine and beautiful green grass,

blue skies, and sparkling city lights.

I was given things to see,

that once before were ignored.

I was given the chance to wake up,

instead of sleepwalking through life.

I was given every glorious day to enjoy,

every month to savor, every year to rejoice.

I was given the gift of life,

I was given breast cancer.

Rainbows and Butterflies has turned PINK!

I started this blog four years ago when I was celebrating my 10-year anniversary of surviving breast cancer. You can read my very first post here. I started the blog thinking that I could share interesting tidbits, things happening in my life, photos of the beautiful new place we live in, etc. But shortly thereafter I joined Facebook and the blog took a backseat.

Well, today is June 30, 2012 and I have decided to resurrect the blog and turn it PINK!  PINK because I received another breast cancer diagnosis. It came on June 11 while I was on a busines trip in Tucson. Fortunately, I was with two very supportive, amazing women (one of whom I had just met) who helped me through that week away from home. I will be forever grateful.

Another fortunately...I have been diligent since my first diagnosis of getting my mammograms, doing self exams, etc, so this was caught super early. Here's the short version...about a year ago the radiologist saw some microcalcifications on my mammogram. They have been watching them since, and I've been having mammograms every six months on that side. After my most recent mammogram, the radiologist said that the microcalcifications hadn't changed since she first discovered them, but based on my history she recommended a biopsy. I agreed without hestitation and here we are. This is all happening on the "other" side, so is considered a new primary cancer, not a recurrence of the first. As I mentioned it was caught really early, but I am in the whirlwind again of doctor appointments, decisions, and uncertainties. Only one thing is certain...I am going to be fine.

I found two great doctors (surgeon and plastic surgeon) that come highly recommended and have a great reputation in the community. I feel confident that I made the right decision for me and my situation. I have chosen to have a bilateral skin-sparing mastectomy with immediate reconstruction.
My surgery is scheduled for July 18.

My intention is to use this blog to keep you up-to-date on my journey. In addition, I hope this blog will increase awareness of the importance of early detection. If you are reading this, please be proactive with your health, please do breast self-exams, please get clinical breast exams, please tell your friends and family to be proactive. We may not have a cure (yet), but we can survive this...I'm proof!